I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
