dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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