I cockslap morals
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
