he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
