just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
