It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
