Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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