she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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