it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
