I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
