In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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