Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
