i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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