I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
