Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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