we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
