sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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