Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
