Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
