I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
