I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
