I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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