her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
