no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
