I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
