I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
