I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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