Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
