Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
