i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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