If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just high enough for therapy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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