After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
