8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
