I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
