everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
