So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
