Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
are you so shy because you have an std?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
