fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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