I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
