I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
