How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
