I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
