I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
