oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
