you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
