No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
