My sheets look like a crime scene.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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