Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
