Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
