she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
