Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
