Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
